While walking down the street, Dubya was struck by a large wheel of cheese that fell out of SwissAir flight 19. Sadly, George does not make it and his soul arrives in heaven where he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
“Welcome George!” says St. Peter. “We seldom see Republicans here, so we’re not sure what to do.”
“No problem Pete, let me in, I’m worthy,” says Dubya.
“I’d like to, but I have orders from the Man Himself. He says you have to spend one day in hell and then one day in heaven so you can choose where you’ll live for eternity.”
“I’ve made up my mind, I want to be in heaven,” says Dubya.
“I’m sorry, but we have rules,” so St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to hell.
The doors open, and he finds himself in the middle of a country club where it’s 72 degrees with no oil shortage. There’s a Texas-style barbecue with cloned cattle and genetically engineered corn. Standing in the crowd are other Republicans who had helped him out over the years. Expensively dressed, Jerry Falwell, Dick Cheney, and Rush Limbaugh greet him, and they reminisce about getting rich at the expense of the poor and the liberals.
Soon, the devil approaches Bush and says, “Have a milkshake and relax, Dubya.” Dubya drinks the shake and takes a liking to the devil, but it is now time to go.
Dubya gets on the elevator and returns to heaven where St. Peter says, “Now it’s time to visit heaven.” So for 24 hours, Bush hangs out with a bunch of honest, good-natured animal rights activists, people who enjoy talking of family values instead of money and power.
“All these people are poor!” Dubya thought to himself. “Pat Robertson never prepared me for this!”
St. Peter returns and says, “So, you’ve spent a day in hell and a day in heaven, now you must choose.” The Jeopardy theme plays softly as Dubya reflects for a minute and then says, “I belong in hell with my friends.” So St. Peter puts him on the elevator and he goes down, down, down all the way to hell.
The doors of the elevator open, and he finds himself in the middle of a barren, scorched earth covered with leaking 55-gallon drums of toxic industrial waste,