Ring ring…
God: Hello, this is the religion helpline. How can I assist you with your disbelief today?
Sinner: I seem to have lost my faith.
God: Was your faith installed by an ordained priest or a Catholic Minister?
Sinner: Ummm… let’s see, I have a confirmation, so it must have been a priest.
God: And have you been keeping up with your faith updates through weekly services?
Sinner: Well, not all of them, but I did receive the major upgrades at Christmas and Easter, and attended a few other weekly services here and there.
God: Have you encountered any conflicting information that may have caused doubts in your faith?
Sinner: Not that I can recall…
God: Please be aware that conflicting information can come in various forms, such as misinformation (Microsoft) or unreliable sources (Internet), and even individuals like Guy Morgan from the Just 4 Laughs Humor List! Have you been exposed to any misleading content?
Sinner: I did hear a passerby on the street claiming that God was inactive and believers were being led to hell.
God: It seems you are facing a paradox. Your faith has an INI string that prevents you from believing in God, yet the outcome of this string leads to hell. Without belief in God, there is no hell, creating a paradox.
Sinner: How can I remove this paradox from my system?
God: I recommend revisiting the teachings in the Bible® that are associated with heaven, hell, and references to Judas.ini. Additionally, exploring Psalms 100-120 may provide insight, although they can be complex and are best approached with a lack of faith.
Sinner: How can I prevent my faith from being corrupted in the future?
God: There are specific tools available for this purpose, such as Lotus Devout®, Microsoft Seminary Plus®, and Netscape Hereafter Browser®. By utilizing these tools and avoiding questionable sources of information, you can safeguard your faith.
Sinner: Thank you for your guidance, God. I appreciate your help, and I am confident that I will regain my belief in you.
God: Go in Peace® my child.
Ring ring…
God: Hello, this is the religion helpline. How can I assist you with your disbelief today?
Sinner: Hello, I have now converted to Judaism.