admin Like every other techie, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on the just released, state-of-the-art, 64-bit, 128 mega-RAM, 48x, 24/7, in-your-face, out-of-your-control Microself Windows 2001. Yes, that was me at the front of the line in our local Get-a-Life Software store, waiting, waiting for the moment when the future went on sale. And now … Read more
Face it, you’re gonna have to go outside eventually. Sure, Amazon.com will deliver right to your door and now even Taco Bell does deliveries, but mark my words: someday you’re going to HAVE to push away from the computer and go… OUTSIDE!!! Here’s a guide:
In the beginning, there was chaos and the Universe was without form and void. The Lord looked upon His domain and decided to declare His presence. “I be,” he said, then to correct his grammar added “am.” If the Lord had decided to work on irregular verb conjugation first, this wouldn’t have happened. God would … Read more
If you receive an email entitled “Fighting Canaries,” delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently, this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive but also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on all of your credit cards. It reprograms … Read more
Hello. Yes, you! You, looking at this screen for hours on end, online. You, bleary-eyed. You, an addict. Have you looked in the mirror lately? Been outside? Know what day of the week it is? Your name was given to us by a spouse or family member who is concerned about your Internet addiction. At … Read more
There are no mistakes in this newsletter because we used special software which checks your spelling. It is more or less a way to verify. However, it cannot correct errors in punctuation or usage, and it will not find words which are misused but spelled correctly. For example, a paragraph could have many flaws but … Read more
Judy was having trouble with her computer, so she called Tony, the computer guy, over to her desk. Tony clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, “So, what was wrong?” And he replied, “It was an ID Ten T Error.” A puzzled expression ran … Read more
Disclaimer to be used when purchasing software: This check is fully warranted against physical defects and poor workmanship in its stationery. If the check is physically damaged, return it to me and I will replace or repair it at my discretion. No other warranty of any kind is made, neither express nor implied including, but … Read more
I’m sure you’ve heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is determined by whether you think the glass is half-empty or half-full. Here are the reactions when somebody leaves a half glass of milk next to the keyboard.
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary, System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor, Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets. Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer, I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the … Read more