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An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. “You were speeding,” the cop said. “I’m going to have to give you a ticket.” “Yep,” the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies. “These flies sure are terrible,” the trooper complained. “Yep,” the … Read more

A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, “What’s in the bags?” The fellow says, “SAND!” The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects… … Read more

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home with the chain still … Read more

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are “unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes,” committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don’t know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titled “How Not to Rob a Bank” by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of … Read more

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange: Officer: “May I see your driver’s license?” Driver: “I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.” Officer: “May I see the registration for this vehicle?” Driver: “It’s not my car. I stole it.” Officer: “The … Read more

A police officer pulls over a guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.” The man says, “Sorry officer, I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I’ll have … Read more

The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the following morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he didn’t want anything special. When they asked if there was … Read more

A man has had too much to drink at a party. His friends offer to drive him home, but he says no – he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. … Read more

Her car was speeding along Interstate 80 at well over 80 miles an hour when it passed by a State Trooper’s position. Obviously, the officer was compelled to pull the young female driver over and he asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, “It stipulates here on your license … Read more