admin Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. “Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!” she exclaimed. “No,” said the genie, “You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only … Read more
To the citizens of the United States of America: Following your failure to elect anybody, either a half-decent candidate or a B-movie actor as President of the USA to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume … Read more
George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, “Aren’t you Moses?” The man ignored … Read more
“Florida Lottery” Guess what?! I won the lottery! I’m gonna be rich!! I won the Florida lottery! I’m now a multimillionaire! Can you believe it?! I’m bouncing off the walls here! You see, my ticket doesn’t have the exact winning numbers on it, but I meant to pick those winning numbers. The ticket was very … Read more
During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour, as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and … Read more
A man went to a doctor and said he wanted to be able to get a job at the local Post Office, but unfortunately, he was too smart. The doctor asked him his IQ, and when he gave a three-digit reply, the doctor told him that the procedure would have to involve the removal of … Read more
Clinton died and went to heaven – or to be more accurate – approached the Pearly Gates. After knocking at the gates, St. Peter appeared. “Who goes there?” inquired St. Peter. “‘Tis I, your lordship, President Bill Clinton.” “And what do you want?” asked St. Peter. “Lemme in!” replied Clinton. “Soooo,” pondered Peter. “What bad … Read more
In sixteenth-century France, the start of the new year was observed on April first. It was celebrated in much the same way as it is today with parties and dancing into the late hours of the night. Then in 1562, Pope Gregory introduced a new calendar for the Christian world, and the new year fell … Read more
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?” “You’ll know on Valentine’s Day,” he said. On Valentine’s Day, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened … Read more
If you are a man, chances are you have forgotten that Valentine’s Day or that all-important anniversary is coming up soon. Now that you know, this seems like a good time to pause for a large hysterical fit. The angst you are feeling right now stems from a complete lack of understanding about what makes … Read more