Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at 4:44 a.m. by his ringing telephone. “Your dog’s barking, and it’s keeping me awake,” said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning at precisely 4:44 a.m., Bernard called his … Read more
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, “Jesus is watching you.” Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed … Read more
There was a hound dog lying in the yard, and an old geezer in overalls was sitting on the porch. “Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, “Nope.” As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began … Read more
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone’s whipped and hungry. Joe takes … Read more
A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old cock. As the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer buys one young cock from the market and puts it in the pen with the old cock and the hens… Old Cock: Welcome to the farm. We’ll work together towards productivity. Young … Read more
A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog’s privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly. A man walking down the street noticed how … Read more
Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs, they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn’t allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the … Read more
A man walks outside to his car for work when he notices a gorilla in his tree. He rushes to his phone book and finds the animal control number, calls, and asks them to send over someone who’s a gorilla expert. When the man arrives, he is carrying a shotgun, a chihuahua, and a pair … Read more
A highly timid little man, Casper Milquetoast, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?” A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his … Read more
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to … Read more