A man hated his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and dropped the cat there. The cat was already walking up the driveway when he approached his home. The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks away, but the same thing happened. … Read more
A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always steal his act by saying things like, “he has a card up his sleeve” or “he has a dove in his pocket.” One day the ship sank, and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on … Read more
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, “You can’t bring that dog in here.” “You don’t understand,” says the man. “This is no regular dog, he can talk.” “Listen, pal,” says the bartender. “If that dog can talk, I’ll give you a hundred bucks.” The man puts the dog on … Read more
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What are you up to there, Nancy?” “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s … Read more
A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t give beer to bears in bars.” The bear replies, “If you don’t give me a beer, I’ll eat that lady over there.” The bartender says, “Go ahead.” So the bear eats the lady and asks for … Read more
Two brothers, John and Richard, lived in the same town. John with his 12-year-old cat, and Richard with their 88-year-old mother. John’s whole life was his cat. He never went anywhere without her. One day he was faced with a terrible decision. He had to go to England on business for his company and he … Read more
A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. “I know,” he says, “they say ‘you can’t take it with you.’ But who knows? Suppose they’re mistaken. I’d like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving … Read more
A man takes his dog to the vet and says, “Doctor, I think my dog is dead.” The vet told him to put the dog on the table and then left the room. Soon he came back with a cat. The cat sniffed the dog’s ears, his nose, and then walked all over him. The … Read more
A long New Orleans-style funeral procession passes by, but instead of a jazz band, it’s led by a man walking a lion. Behind the coffin walk at least 300 people. A bystander asks the man, “What’s going on?” The man replies, “My lion ate my lawyer and this is his funeral.” The bystander then asks, … Read more
A man dropped by his friend’s house to pay him a visit and was amazed to see him playing a game of chess with his dog. After a few minutes, he burst out, “That’s the most incredible dog I’ve ever seen!” “Oh, he isn’t so smart,” was the answer. “I’ve beaten him three games out … Read more