A duck walks into a bar. It asks the bartender if he has any crackers. The bartender says, “No.” The next day, the duck walks into the bar and asks the same question. The bartender says, “No, I don’t have any crackers.” The next day, the same thing happens with the same response from the … Read more
IN PRISON: – You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell. – You get three meals a day. – You get time off for good behavior. – A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. – You can watch TV and play games. – You get your own toilet. – … Read more
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s 3:30 in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” … Read more
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors – green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared. The young man said, “What’s the matter, old timer? Never done anything wild … Read more
An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding, they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their sexual … Read more
On the first day, God created the cow. God said, “You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer… for that, I will give you a lifespan of sixty years.” The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough … Read more
Nellie, shopping at her local supermarket, selects a quart of milk, a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon, and a quart of orange juice. A drunk standing behind her watches as she places the items in front of the cashier. He says to her, “You must be single.” The woman, startled but intrigued by the … Read more
A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk, and staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink, he could not … Read more
A drunk, staggering down Main Street, somehow manages to make it into a cathedral. A priest watched him as he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way into the confessional. The priest, thinking the man needs his assistance, proceeds to his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded with a lengthy silence, … Read more
A drunk walks into a bar, sits down, and demands a drink. “Get out,” says the bartender. “I don’t serve drunks here.” The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist, and demands a drink. “I just told you to … Read more