A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responds by yelling, at the top of her … Read more
A priest gets a haircut in a Washington barbershop. He then asks how much he owes. “No charge, Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” The next morning, the barber finds two dozen small prayer booklets on his stoop. Two days later, a police officer comes in for a cut … Read more
A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So what happened that is so horrible?” the man asked. The farmer then decides to … Read more
Three men are sitting at a bar – a Texan, a Californian, and a Coloradoan. The Texan orders a bottle of tequila. When he gets it, he takes one sip, throws it up into the air and *BAM* he shoots it with his .22. Everyone drops to the floor. The bartender recovers first. “What did … Read more
A couple is in bed sleeping when there’s a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. The husband rolls over and looks at the clock, and it’s half past 3 in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. So he drags himself out of … Read more
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn’t true. “I’m as sober as you are, your honor,” the man claimed. The judge replied, “Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days.”
A wee guy was sitting at a bar staring at his drink for ages. Suddenly, a big biker came along, snatched his glass, guzzled down the contents and laughed, “Hah! So what you gonna do about that, little man?” “Nothing,” sighed the little guy despondently. “You see, today has been the worst day of my … Read more
One night, a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his … Read more
A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly, he hears a deep voice: “DIG!” He looks around, but nobody’s there. “I am having hallucinations,” he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: “I SAID, DIG!” So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after some inches, he finds a small … Read more
A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and dancing, but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the … Read more