The baseball season is fast approaching and the Mudville Sliders decided to call a press conference. During that meeting, I overheard some unusual comments: Andy (writer for Sam’s Sports Page): “Will you have the same team as last year, considering you only won 42 games?” Josh (Mudville Manager): “We plan to make a few changes … Read more
Three construction contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from New York, another from Texas, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the tour guide asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were construction contractors, the guide said, “Hey, … Read more
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy. “John,” the new guy replied. The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a place you worked at before, … Read more
There are three guys in a sauna. All of a sudden there is a beep. Guy number one slaps his hand, and guy number two asks what that was. Guy one says he got his beeper implanted in his hand. He goes off and returns his call. A little while later he comes back and … Read more
The new company recruit was lazy. One morning he dialed the number of the cafeteria, but got the wrong number. When someone picked up the phone, he said, “I don’t feel like working today. Can you send up a coffee and a muffin, and I’ll just sit around and read the paper?” “Do you know … Read more
A young engineer was leaving the office at 6 pm when he found the CEO standing in front of the paper shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” said the CEO, “this is important, my secretary has left for the day. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” said the young engineer. … Read more
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged. Before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. “Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had for so long!” “Do you mean that repulsive … Read more
A customer at Green’s Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor’s quick wit and intelligence. “Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?” “I wouldn’t share my secret with just anyone,” Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won’t hear. “But since you’re a good and faithful customer, I’ll let you in on it. … Read more
If you had bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49. With Enron, you would have $16 of the original $1,000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5 left. If you had bought $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in … Read more
A foreman had ten very lazy men working for him. One day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. “I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.” Nine hands went up. “Why didn’t you … Read more