A couple just started their Lamaze class, and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged, saying, “This doesn’t feel so bad.” The Lamaze instructor then dropped a pen and … Read more
“Eighty-four, because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8) “Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tom, 5) WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?? “On the first date, they just tell … Read more
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later…. “Da-ad….” “What?” “I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?” “No. You had your chance. Lights out.” Five minutes later… “Da-aaaad…..” “WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??” “I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll … Read more
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice and cut a … Read more
Mommy Bear and Daddy Bear were in divorce court. The judge looked down and asked Baby Bear, “So Baby Bear, do you want to live with Daddy Bear?” “Oh, no,” Baby Bear replied, “I don’t want to live with Daddy Bear. He beat me.” “Well then, you should live with Mommy Bear,” answered the judge. … Read more
“Some plants,” said the teacher, “have the prefix ‘dog.’ For instance, there is the dogrose, the dogwood, the dogviolet. Now name another plant prefixed by ‘dog.’” “I can,” shouted a little redhead from the back row, “Collieflower!”
A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. “Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to … Read more
A loaded minivan pulled into the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters’ father, “That, sir, … Read more
My brother-in-law and I decided to spend the long weekend getting back to nature. We rented a trailer, took off to a secluded lake, got into our brand-new hiking gear, and promptly got lost. We tried all the tactics we could remember from movies to figure out what direction we were headed. Moss on the … Read more
Little Johnny was walking down the beach, and he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and asked, “Are you a Christian?” “Yes,” she replied. “Do you read your Bible every day?” She nodded her head, “Yes.” “Do you pray often?” the boy asked next, … Read more