A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word “Typewriter.” One day the husband told his five-year-old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.” The child told her mother … Read more
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. “What are you doing?” his mother asked. “The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken,” the boy explained. “I’m … Read more
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. A nun made a note and posted it on the apple tray: “Take only ONE… God is watching.” Further along the line, at the other end of the … Read more
A little girl goes to visit Santa at the mall. When it is her turn, she sits on his lap and Santa says, “Have you been good?” Little Girl: “Yes, Santa, very good.” Santa: “What would you like for Christmas?” Little Girl: “I want Barbie and G.I. Joe.” Santa: “G.I. Joe? Doesn’t Barbie come with … Read more
The little boy walks into his father’s bedroom and catches him putting on a condom. He says, “What are you doing, Pop?” The father stutters, “I’m going to kill a mouse, son.” The kid says, “What are you going to do, bang him to death?”
Little Josh comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?” His father thinks a bit, then says, “No, I don’t think … Read more
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her … Read more
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?” His father looks up, thoughtfully, and says, “I’ll demonstrate it for you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then … Read more
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by … Read more
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they’d found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class, made a small white dot on the blackboard, and sat back down. … Read more