Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. The comparison went like this: If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it … Read more
A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchased one of their PCs. “The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!” The employee … Read more
“This little computer,” said the sales clerk, “will do half of your job for you.” Studying the machine, the senior VP said, “Fine, I’ll take two.”
A man goes to his doctor complaining of bad headaches. His doctor says, “We just got this new machine. You take a urine sample and feed it into the machine, and it tells you everything that is wrong with you.” Thinking this is pretty amazing, the man gives a sample and the doctor feeds it … Read more
Staff Notice With immediate effect, a toilet policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for staff, ensuring effective time management and equal treatment for all. On the first day of every month, all staff will be issued 20 toilet trip credits which may be accumulated. The doors to all toilets … Read more
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall, cool drink and a comforting word. “My, you look tired,” she said. “You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?” “It was terrible,” … Read more
If operating systems were the airlines: UNIX Airways: Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS: Everybody pushes the … Read more
Computer Gender A marketing director for a prominent computer manufacturer was devising a new advertising campaign for his company. While researching consumer response to his product, he asked, “Naval ships are commonly referred to as ‘she’ or ‘her’. What gender would you assign to your computer? Give four reasons to support your answer…” A large … Read more
One day, a mechanical engineer, electrical engineer, chemical engineer, and computer engineer were driving down the street in the same car when it broke down. The mechanical engineer said, “I think a rod broke.” The chemical engineer said, “The way it sputtered at the end, I think it’s not getting enough gas.” The electrical engineer … Read more
This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as “Millennia Year Application Software System” (MYASS). Next Monday, there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees … Read more