A group of tourists was being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. “This place,” the guide told them, “is 600 years old.” There were appreciative murmurs from the crowd. “Not a stone in it has been touched,” the guide continued, “nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years.” “Wow,” piped up one woman from … Read more
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?” “Yeah,” says the other cowboy. “Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.” Just … Read more
Just before Thanksgiving, a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Here are a few new perspectives through which to look at life: 1. Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill. 2. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not … Read more
Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, “Well, Leroy, it isn’t Christmas and we don’t have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. Why don’t you write a letter … Read more
It was autumn, and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, so when he looked at the sky he couldn’t tell what the weather … Read more
In a train car, there was a Canadian, an American, a spectacular-looking blonde, and a frightfully awful-looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip, the train happened to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap was heard. When they left the tunnel, the American had a big red slap … Read more
This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says, “You’re not from around here, are ya?” “No,” replied the man, “I’m from Pennsylvania.” The bartender looks at him and says, “Well, what do you do in Pennsylvania?” “I’m a taxidermist,” said the man. … Read more
It was Christmas, and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early, sir,” replied the defendant. “Well, that’s not a crime,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner.
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. “Elation,” she said. “And you, sir,” he said … Read more