Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with … Read more
Sad News! It’s always difficult to bring sad news, but I think everyone should know that there was a great loss in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the “Hokey Pokey” died. What’s really horrible was they had trouble keeping the body in the casket. They’d put his left foot in… well, you know … Read more
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. “Who is it on that island?” a passenger asks the captain. “I have no idea… but every year when we pass, he goes nuts like that.”
A screenwriter came home to a burned-down house. His sobbing and slightly singed wife was standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asked. “Oh, John, it was terrible,” she wept. “I was cooking when the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove had caught on … Read more
A woman gets on a bus holding her baby. “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen,” says the bus driver. In a huff, the woman slams her fare into the box and takes an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her senses her agitation and asks what’s wrong. … Read more
Sven was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole’s house and saw a sign that said “Boat For Sale.” This confused Sven because he knew that Ole didn’t own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ole about it. “Hey Ole,” said Sven, “I noticed the … Read more
A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things – chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, … Read more
A guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam; then I’m a teepee; then I’m a wigwam. It’s driving me crazy. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies, “It’s very simple. You’re two tents.”
Three guys were working on a high-rise building project: Steve, Bill, and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.” Bill says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.” Two hours later, he comes back … Read more
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, “Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine.” Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, “I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently.” “Hmm?” … Read more