It was graduation day, and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. “Let’s try to make this look natural,” she said. “Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder.” The father answered, “If you want it to look natural, why not have him … Read more
Dear Husband, I am sending you this letter via email so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your computer entered our lives two years ago. The children are doing well. Jimmy is seven now and … Read more
A young boy went up to his father and asked, “What is the difference between potentially and realistically?” The father pondered for a while, then answered, “Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Also, ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million … Read more
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one. “No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. “Bring me my biggest sword,” said … Read more
Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. “There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice,” said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. “Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach.” “That’s nothing compared to what my Anna … Read more
Rich Texans are fabled for their grand style, but when one oil tycoon appeared at a local golf course followed by a servant pulling a foam-cushioned chaise-lounge, his opponents thought that was taking style too far. “J.R., are you going to make that poor caddie lug that couch all over the course after you?” he … Read more
Three successful Jewish brothers compared their wealth by the presents they had recently sent their old mother for her 75th birthday. Shlomo, the oldest, said: “I built a big mansion for our mother.” Moishe, the second, said: “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” Ira, the youngest, said: “You remember how our mama used … Read more
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?” “Of course not, dear,” replied the mother. “Why would you think that?” “The tombstone back … Read more
Bill Clinton falls into a lake and cannot swim, and three boys rescue him. Bill tells them, “I’ll give you anything you want for saving my life.” So Bill asks the first boy what he wants, and the first boy says he wants a Ferrari. Bill says fine. Bill asks the second boy what he … Read more
You Know You’re a Mother When… 1. You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal. 2. You have the time to shave only one leg at a time. 3. You hide in the bathroom to be alone. 4. Your kid throws up and you catch it. 5. Someone else’s kid … Read more