One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, dear,” she said. “I … Read more
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.” On her next visit, the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?” “Yes,” the mother answered. “And how is your son now?” he asked. “Who cares?” she … Read more
A worried father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship. “I’ll say he is, Daddy,” responded the girl. “Just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you two are easy to get along with.”
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every … Read more
Two golfers were discussing a bill that Harry, the hospital administrator, had sent to Bill, a recent father. “Harry, this is too much for the use of the delivery room. You know I didn’t get my wife there in time and the baby was born on the hospital’s front lawn.” Harry took the bill, crossed … Read more
During the Cold War many years ago, a young man would ride his bicycle every day from Italy up to the checkpoint at the Yugoslav border where he would be questioned by the uniformed border guard. “Where are you going today, Capitalist Scumbag?” asked the guard. “To visit my mother, Sir.” “Step inside. You will … Read more
A worried father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship. “I’ll say he is, Daddy,” responded the girl. “Just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you two are easy to get along with.”
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one. “No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other. And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence. “Bring me my biggest sword,” said … Read more
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally, he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my … Read more
Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. “There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice,” said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. “Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach.” “That’s nothing compared to what my Anna … Read more