MURPHY’S LAWS FOR PARENTS 1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week. 2. Leakproof thermoses will leak. 3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. 4. The garbage truck will be two doors … Read more
OLD & NEW CONCERNS FOR THE BABY BOOMER Then: Long hair. Now: Longing for hair. Then: Keg Now: EKG. Then: Acid rock Now: Acid reflux. Then: Moving to California because it’s cool. Now: Moving to California because it’s hot. Then: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents. Now: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with … Read more
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her “no.” The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the … Read more
“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.” — Conan O’Brien “In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the … Read more
A man is waiting patiently for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms, or legs. The son is just a head! The father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, … Read more
Four Catholic ladies were having coffee. The first Catholic woman tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father.’” The second Catholic woman chirps, “My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, ‘Your Grace.’” The third Catholic mother says, “My … Read more
The scene was a tiny mountain village in a remote section of West Virginia. An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the local court. But custody of the children was a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children … Read more
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, “Congratulations, sir. You’re the father of twins!” “What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins Baseball team!” Later the nurse returned and congratulated the second father on the … Read more
Three sons left home, went out on their own, and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. … Read more
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members … Read more