A man goes into a restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches the table and asks for their order. “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest steak,” he says. “But sir, what about the mad cow?!” asks the waiter. “Oh,” answers the man, “she’ll order for herself.”
A man went into a restaurant and ordered soup. When the waiter brought out the bowl, he had his thumb stuck in the soup, but the customer decided to let it go. Later, the waiter stopped by the table and asked, “Would you like anything else? We have some very good beef stew today.” As … Read more
Sure, here are the items listed in a numbered list format: 1. You grind your own coffee beans – with your teeth. 2. You sleep with your eyes open. 3. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. 4. You’ve worn out your third pair of running shoes this week. 5. Your coffee mug has a … Read more
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.” “Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.” Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to … Read more
Three Englishmen stopped at a restaurant for a spot of tea. The waiter appeared with pad and pencil. “I’ll have a glass of weak tea,” ordered the first. “I’ll have tea, too,” said the second, “but very strong with two pieces of lemon.” “Tea for me, too, please,” said the third, “but be sure the … Read more
A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered, with his thumb over the meat as he is carrying the plate. “Are you crazy?” yelled the customer, “you have your hand on my steak!” “What,” answers the waiter, “you want it to fall on the floor again?”
A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatoes won’t ripen. There’s a limit to the number of uses for green tomatoes and she’s getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, “Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?” Her neighbor replies, “Well, it … Read more
The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by a tax agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. “Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner said. “I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place … Read more
“May I take your order?” the waiter asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?” “Nothing special, sir,” he replied. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”
A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee. “This coffee,” he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, “is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers.” The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen, and returned shortly with another … Read more