An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing […]

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter says, “Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want.” The first nun says, “I want to be Sophia Loren,” […]

Bill Gates dies and goes to hell. Satan greets him, “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy, and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of […]

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day. Due to an administrative foul-up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope was sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, who checked all the paperwork and acknowledged the error. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 […]

Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man said, “My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed and not get into trouble.” The second deaf man said, “Boy, you’re lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting […]

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the hell are you doing?” “Well,” said the guy, “you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you […]

St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. “Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go do an errand?” “Sure,” replied Jesus. “What do I have to do?” “Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, […]

The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins: 1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty. 2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high. 3) Overcharging fees to many clients. 4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a […]

There was once a young lawyer, age 29, who was on his way to work when he was hit by a bus. He goes to heaven and meets St. Peter and pleads, “I am much too young to die, there must be a mistake!” St. Peter thinks about this for a moment and goes out […]

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation’s driving school: Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can’t see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop […]