There was this man that had difficulty making decisions: 1. His parents asked him whether he wanted to go to public or private school. He decided to go to private school…and hated it. 2. On to college: Harvard or Yale? He became a Yalie…and hated it. 3. He thought about getting married: Blonde or Redhead? … Read more
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client, “Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.” “Fair to both!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What the hell do you think I hired a … Read more
A minister dies and goes to heaven. Before him is a loudmouth man with a loud shirt, chain pants, and a loud hat. Saint Peter asked the guy what he did for a living. He said, “I was the taxi cab driver of New York City.” St. Peter hands him a silk robe and a … Read more
Political pick-up lines 10. “I see the flat tax wouldn’t apply to you.” 9. “Inflation isn’t the only thing going up around here.” 8. “I’d like you to exercise my pocket veto.” 7. “Could you give my voting lever a little pull?” 6. “I said I wanted to keep the government out of the bedroom, … Read more
Catholic Math Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally, in a last-ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very … Read more
A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray for help. “Oh Lord, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house … Read more
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client, “Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.” “Fair to both!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What the hell do you think I hired a … Read more
Up in heaven, there is a white picket fence. On one side stood God, and on the other side stood Satan and a few of his henchmen. The devil’s helpers were kicking holes in the fence. God said, “If you don’t tell them to stop, I’ll sue you.” Satan started laughing and replied, “You think … Read more
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, “I’ve got news for you. You’re going straight to hell!” The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, “Good heavens, I’m on the … Read more
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, and figuring the wind direction and speed, driving his partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner says, “What the hell is taking so long? Hit the goddamn ball!” The guy answers, “My wife is up there … Read more