The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So, he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left … Read more
A little girl came to a pregnant lady and, while pointing to her stomach, asked, “What’s that?” The lady proudly replied, “That’s my little baby, and I love him very much!” The little girl then said, “If you love him that much, then why the hell did you eat him?”
Three Texans, Slim, Billy-Bob, and Bubba died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter, who explained that although it was late and God had retired for the evening, he had asked Albert Einstein to show them around so they wouldn’t get bored before they met God in the … Read more
When the Son of God was nailed to the cross and died, he went straight down to hell from the cross and set free all the sinners who were there in torment. And the devil wept and mourned, for he thought he would get no more sinners for hell. Then God said to him, “Do … Read more
Two buddies, Bob and Earl, were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they poured over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come … Read more
Bill Clinton is in an elementary class and is trying to teach the students what a tragedy is. He asks if anyone knows. One kid stands up and says, “I know. If I was in the street and got hit by a car, that would be a tragedy.” Clinton says, “No son, that would be … Read more
Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches have dropped dead from old age. In the monkey cage, he discovers two of the oldest chimps have also kicked the bucket. Waste not, want not, so he puts them in a sack with the finches and later tips them in the … Read more
When the Son of God was nailed to the cross and died, he went straight down to hell from the cross and set free all the sinners who were there in torment. And the devil wept and mourned, for he thought he would get no more sinners for hell. Then God said to him, “Do … Read more
Catholic Math Little Tommy was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally, in a last-ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Tommy came home with a very … Read more
Paddy just arrived in America from Ireland on holiday. Never having seen a baseball game before, he decides that now would be a good time. So, he goes to the park and gets himself a bleacher seat. Paddy sees a guy step up to the plate with a stick in his hand. The guy standing … Read more