A priest went to buy a parrot. “Are you sure it doesn’t swear?” asked the priest. “Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assured him. “Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the Lord’s Prayer, and when you pull on the left, he recites the … Read more
There was once a great actor who had a problem – he could no longer remember his lines. After many years, he finally found a theatre willing to give him a chance to shine again. The director told him, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk onto … Read more
A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain at a bar in Texas. He’s going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says, “I’ve heard just about enough of your damn hillbilly jokes; we ain’t all stupid here in the South.” Flustered, … Read more
Here was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and –WHACK!!– knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The idiot says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.” The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets … Read more
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. “Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?’” “And then what happened?” the officer interrupted. “From what I remember,” Bubba said, … Read more
Two guys were walkin’ down a grassy road, houses to the left, houses to the right. Soon, they came across a strange lookin’ pile o’ somethin’ on the ground. First dude: “Hey, I wonder what this is.” Second dude: “It’s smelly and awful.” 1st: “It’s brown and nasty.” 2nd: “Why don’t you taste it?” So … Read more
Man approaches to greet a new neighbor who is just moving into the house next door and asks what he does for a living. Neighbor 1: I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning. Man: Deductive reasoning? What is that? Neighbor 1: Let me give you an example. I see you have … Read more
There are three men in the woods: a hunter, a trapper, and a stupid guy. The hunter goes out and comes back an hour later with a bear. The trapper asks, “How did you get that?” The hunter says, “I find tracks, I follow tracks, I find bear, I shoot bear, bear stop.” The trapper … Read more
The Perfect Employee? 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found 2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without 3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never 4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always 5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended 6 measures to … Read more
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at him, looks at the … Read more