A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman. “What a ripoff,” the man muttered. “I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to … Read more
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. “So, what is it?” grumbled the governor. “Judge Garber has just died,” said the attorney, “and I want to take his place.” Replied the governor: “Well, … Read more
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you … Read more
One day, a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, “Why are you eating grass?” The man replied, “I’m so poor, I can’t afford anything to eat.” So the lawyer said, “Poor guy, come back to my … Read more
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink and says, “That’ll be five dollars.” The guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says … Read more
Two lawyers are in a bank when suddenly armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on, lawyer number one jams something into lawyer number … Read more
Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news. Client: Well, give me the bad news first. Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene. Client: Oh no! I’m ruined! What’s the good news? Lawyer: The good news is your … Read more
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great … Read more
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate. He asked one of the men, “Why are you eating the grass?” The poor man replied, “We don’t have money for … Read more
A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with … Read more