A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, “You’re beautiful.” Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later, her husband woke up and said, “You’re cute.” “What … Read more
There is a bear chasing a rabbit through the forest. They’re running and running until they stop because a genie appears. The genie says, “If you two stop fighting and chasing each other, I’ll give you each three wishes.” They agree. The bear wishes first for the biggest “package” of all the bears in the … Read more
Great news! Some of the old favorite singers and bands have re-released their great hits with new titles and lyrics to accommodate their aging audience. Some examples include: – Herman’s Hermits: “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Walker” – The Rolling Stones: “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want” – Creedence Clearwater Revival: “Bad Prune … Read more
Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately, they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day, she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, she thought to … Read more
Three guys, a Canadian, Bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are given one wish each by an Arabian genie. The Canadian says, “My family has been in farming for ten generations; I wish for all Canadian land to be fertile.” POOF, he gets his wish. Bin Laden says, “I love the land I live in and … Read more
A young boy and his doting grandmother were walking along the seashore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea. The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens, and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson. Lo, another wave reared up and deposited … Read more
Father Christmas was not in a very good frame of mind – in fact, he was very depressed. That morning after breakfast, Mrs. Santa had told him that her mother was coming over to stay ‘for a few days,’ and he knew that would be for several weeks. As Christmas was approaching, her visit was … Read more
1. I DO. 2. I’m from your government, and I am here to help you. 3. I’ve never done anything like this before. 4. I’ll call you later. 5. Don’t worry, he’s never bitten anyone. 6. Don’t worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on “empty.” 7. She means nothing to … Read more
A man is sitting in the bar when he notices another patron a few stools away. The guy had a body like Charles Atlas but his head was the size of a thimble. The first man said, “Please excuse me for staring but I can’t help but be curious as to why your body is … Read more
Three men are involved in a car crash on December 24th and arrive at the pearly gates where they are met by Saint Peter. He tells them that because it is Christmas Eve, they must go back to the car and find something related to Christmas and give it to him in order to enter … Read more