Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in … Read more
Shortly after Bill Gates was killed in a freak accident, he found himself being sized up by Saint Peter. “Bill, this is a tough call. You’ve made great technological advancements with Microsoft, but you’ve also given us Windows 95. I think I’m going to let you choose between Heaven and Hell.” “That sounds fair,” Gates … Read more
A pregnant woman goes to the doctor for results of a test. The doctor invites her in to sit down. “I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.” “What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it regardless.” “Well, yes, … Read more
Three guys work on a construction site. One is white, one is black, and one is Polish. The bell rings for lunch, and the white man opens his lunch bag and sighs deeply, saying, “If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I’m jumping off the building.” The black guy opens up his … Read more
Mrs. O’Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father Rafferty. “Hello,” said the Father, “and how is Mrs. O’Donovan? Didn’t I marry you two years ago?” She replied, “That you did, Father.” The priest asked, “And are there any little ones yet?” “No, not yet, Father,” she … Read more
A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin resort way up the mountains of Scotland. They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for 5 days. An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned about the welfare of these newlyweds. The old man decided to go … Read more
One day an out-of-work mime was visiting the zoo, where he attempted to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he started to draw a crowd, a zookeeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office. The zookeeper explained to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a gorilla named … Read more
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay, but after a … Read more
An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite sugar cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered enough strength to get out of bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom. With even greater effort, he forced his bony … Read more
The day care bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City seniors down a highway when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up. 15 minutes later she taps him on his shoulder again and hands him another handful of … Read more