Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the pearly gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, “What have you done to enter Heaven?” “I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord’s babies into the world.” “Good enough to enter the gates,” replied St. Peter and in he … Read more
John had just finished having his yearly medical examination and was waiting for the doctor to return to his office with the test results. When the doctor finally returns, he has a very sad look on his face. “Well, doc, what’s the word? How does everything look?” asks John. “John, I really don’t know how … Read more
A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and is always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 10 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I … Read more
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to … Read more
A guy and his wife enter the hospital and explain to the doctors that she is about to give birth. They take her into a room and a few minutes later, the doctor comes out and tells the guy, “Your baby is OK but it looks like he’ll be born without a leg.” He goes … Read more
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.” “Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?” They agreed this is a good … Read more
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?” “I think that is a wise decision,” the doctor replies. “Let’s see, do you smoke?” “Oh.. Half a pack a day.” “Starting NOW, no more smoking.” The man agrees. The doctor then asks, “Do you … Read more
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it. “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pumps, of course, didn’t respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again, there was no response. The … Read more
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your … Read more
A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor says, “Well sir, I have bad news and I have worse news.” The guy says, “Well, give me the worst news first.” The doc says, “Well sir, you have Cancer.” The guy says, “That’s terrible news, but what’s the bad news?” The doc … Read more