A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodkas.” The barman says, “Wow! You must have had one hell of a day.” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay.” The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the … Read more
After a nice dinner, the two couples got up from the table. The ladies went into the kitchen, and the men went into the family room. One of the gents said to the other, “I think it is so wonderful how you call your wife ‘honey pie,’ ‘sweet pea,’ and ‘sugar’ all the time.” The … Read more
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, “What is this, Father?” The father, never having seen an elevator, responded, “Son, I have never seen … Read more
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night, the woman leans over and says, “I’m … Read more
A married couple is driving down the interstate doing 55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks over at him and says, “Honey, I know we’ve been married for 15 years, but I want a divorce.” The husband says nothing but slowly increases the speed to 60 mph. She then says, “I … Read more
A busy farmer needed some help with tending to the animals. His mother-in-law offered to spend some time on his farm, and being as busy as he was, the farmer had no choice but to accept her offer. A few days later, the farmer’s mother-in-law was killed when his mule kicked her. Thousands of people … Read more
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. “Last night I made love to my wife four times,” the Frenchman bragged, “And this morning she made me delicious crepes and told me how much she adored me.” … Read more
“Honey,” said the husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.” “Then why did you invite a friend for supper?” “Because … Read more
A Chinese walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Taiwan on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so … Read more
A guy gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!” The wife says, “Wow! That’s great! I’m so happy! Should I pack for the ocean, or should I pack for the mountains?” He says, “I don’t care. Just get the hell out!”