An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful … Read more
It was a hot summer day, and the old courthouse was just as hot. The air was thick and humid, and the jury was having a hard time staying focused. One of the jurors succumbed to the heat, falling asleep just as the victim was being questioned by the prosecutor. “The defendant is accused of … Read more
Mr. Benton thought he had had the last word when he presented his ex-wife with an unusual gift for her birthday: a tombstone on which he had carved, “Here lies my ex-wife Sonja… cold as usual.” Much to his surprise, however, his wife one-upped him for his birthday with a tombstone of his own on … Read more
An elderly couple was crossing the Canadian border to go to their winter retreat in Florida. At the crossing, they were stopped by an over-zealous border guard on his first day at work. He began asking the couple a series of questions and checked for passports. Officer: “Where are you going?” Husband: “We’re on vacation … Read more
A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn’t like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, “What are you waiting for?” The husband replies, “Autumn.”
James was on the beach and could not understand why Bob had attracted all the girls while he had no luck. So he asked Rich, “Why do you get all the girls and I get nothing?” Bob replied, “Take a potato and tuck it in your swimming trunks. It drives the women wild!” So James … Read more
A man walks into a bar. On the bar sits a big jar of twenty-dollar bills. The man asks the bartender, “What’s the deal with the jar of money?” “Well,” the bartender says, “I’ve got a horse tied up in the stable out back. This horse has never laughed in his life. You put a … Read more
Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were in divorce court. The judge asked, “Phil, is it true that in the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Jill?” Phil replies, “Yes, Judge, that is correct.” “And how do you explain this unusual conduct?” the judge inquires. … Read more
Bob and Earl were best friends and had been for 50 years. They went to baseball games together and had the best time possible. They truly loved the game but they always wondered if there was baseball in heaven and agreed that whoever died first had to call the other guy and tell them if … Read more
Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the attendant. “I’m thinking of a number between one and ten,” he said. “If you guess right, you win free sex.” “Okay,” agreed one … Read more