A guy goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. “What size?” asks the clerk. “Gee, I don’t know.” “Go see Sophie in aisle 4.” He goes over to see Sophie, who grabs him in the crotch, and yells, “Medium!” The guy is mortified! He hurries over to pay and leaves quickly. Another guy comes in … Read more
One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. “What’s that?” he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, “Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree.” Horrified, she said, “Tarzan, … Read more
A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat, and off he goes all day long. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog, and goes to the garage to … Read more
A few days before her birthday, a husband asked his wife, “Dear, what would you like for your present?” “I really don’t think I should say.” “How about a diamond ring?” the husband asks. “I don’t care much for diamonds.” “Well, how about a mink coat?” “You know I do not like furs,” she says. … Read more
A woman asks her husband, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, maybe some grapefruit, and coffee?” He declines, saying, “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunchtime, she asked if he would like something. “A bowl … Read more
A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?” “After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.” “If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?” “We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want … Read more
A man comes home from work, sits in his lazyboy in front of the TV, and rudely tells his wife, “Gimme a beer before it starts.” She gives him his beer. About 15 minutes later, he says again, “Gimme a beer before it starts.” She does. A few minutes later, he asks again for a … Read more