Men are like… Floor tile. Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime. Men are like… Placemats. They only show up when there’s food on the table. Men are like… Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like… Bike helmets. Handy in an … Read more
Sitting at home one night with his wife, a man is casually tossing peanuts into the air and catching them in his mouth. As the couple take in the latest episode of their favorite program, the man loses concentration for a split second, and a peanut goes into his ear. He tries to get it … Read more
One day a man walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. “Eighty dollars,” the dentist says. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $60.” “That’s … Read more
70-year-old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with normal results. Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?” George replied, “God and me are tight. He … Read more
A guy walks into a bar with a frog on his forehead and says, “Bartender, give me a scotch on the rocks.” The bartender returns with the drink and, being kind of curious about the pair, asks, “If you don’t mind my asking, how’d you end up with that thing on you?” Immediately the frog … Read more
There are two guys trying to get a quick 18 holes, but there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them hitting the ball everywhere but where it’s supposed to go. The first guy says, “Why don’t you go over and ask if we can play through?” The second guy gets about halfway there … Read more
Here is the corrected version: Four men went golfing one day. Three headed to the first tee while the other went to the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he is so successful … Read more
Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically telling her it’s not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and … Read more
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with them are their 8 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man … Read more
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $40 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the … Read more