During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d … Read more
This couple went to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon and were watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.” The wife nudges her husband in the … Read more
A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said, “I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double.” The man agreed and said, “I wish I had a mansion.” The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got … Read more
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. “Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on … Read more
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the … Read more
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello.” WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I am at … Read more
There was a lawyer who had just woken up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later, … Read more
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I bet you don’t know what day this is.” “Of course I do,” he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed … Read more
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation, … Read more
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, “So, what did you bring?” The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to … Read more