A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. … Read more
There was this magician on a ship performing every night. Not noticing, the captain’s parrot watches him every night as he performs the same tricks. After watching him, the parrot finds out how he does it and started to tell the audience. After the parrot told the audience, the ship hit an iceberg and started … Read more
It’s the middle of summer and a Highway Patrolman pulls over a motorist for speeding. While he’s writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing around his head, annoying him considerably. “Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren’t they?” says the motorist. “Yeah,” says the patrolman, “if that’s what these are, you’re sure right. But I’ve … Read more
This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio communication between a U.S. NAVY ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland, October 1995. Radio log released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95: “Will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.”
January 20, 2003 A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph, he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light … Read more
Woman: “Is there a problem officer?” Officer: “Ma’am, you were speeding.” Woman: “Oh, I see.” Officer: “Can I see your license please?” Woman: “I’d give it to you, but I don’t have one.” Officer: “Don’t have one?” Woman: “Lost it 4 times for drinking.” Officer: “I see, can I have your vehicle registration papers please?” … Read more
There’s a captain and his crew, and they always won naval battles. One day, a sailor called out, “Cap’! 10 ships approaching!” The Captain replied, “Get me my red shirt!” They did, he put it on, and they won the battle. Later, a sailor called, “Cap’! 20 ships!” “Get me my red shirt!” They did, … Read more
1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. 3. Aren’t you that guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must have been doin’ at least 120 mph to keep up with me… Good job! 5. Didn’t I see you … Read more
Once upon a time, there was an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado who showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, “Bring me my red shirt!” The first mate quickly retrieved … Read more
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the … Read more