A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. … Read more
As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?” One man stepped forward and said, “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.” “Good,” said the captain, “you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets – we’re one short.”
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and … Read more
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But officer, I just wanted to say…” “And I said … Read more
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says, “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.” The guy says okay, and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around … Read more
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it,” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, … Read more
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stopped him and said that he couldn’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agreed and drove off. The next day, the same man was driving down the road … Read more
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, “Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce.” The loan officer promptly had … Read more
The lookout aboard a clipper ship spots a pirate ship approaching and yells down to the captain. The captain orders the bosun to bring his red shirt. The captain puts on his red shirt and successfully leads his crew in fighting off the pirates. The next day, the lookout spots TWO pirate ships approaching. He … Read more
It was World War II, and the captain was attempting to rally the GIs on the eve of a big offensive. “Out there is your enemy,” said the captain. “The man who has made your life miserable all these weeks, who has been working to destroy you since you came here; the man who has … Read more