A blonde had just bought two horses but she couldn’t tell them apart. She went and asked a neighbour for some help. “I can’t tell these horses apart,” she said. The neighbour told her to cut the tail of one of them off. So the blonde cut off the tail, and that worked great until … Read more
There was a really clever blonde, Tinkerbell, Santa Claus, and a really clever brunette all in a competition to win a million pounds. The question is “Which one won it?” The really clever brunette because none of the others exist.
There was this king who had a daughter he must marry off. But he could not because everything the princess touched melted. The king then decided to hold a competition of knights. Whoever brought in something that the princess could not melt would be the one to marry her. The first knight brought in the … Read more
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “God … Read more
On the first day of University, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: “The female Halls will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male Halls to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined twenty pounds the first time.” He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule … Read more
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you … Read more
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, “Ya know, I reckon I’m about ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. … Read more
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
A couple was invited to a masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time … Read more
Fellow orders a triple whisky at the bar and strikes up a conversation with the landlord. Fellow: I shouldn’t drink this with what I’ve got! Landlord: Why, what have you got? Fellow: Fifty Pence!