Miscellaneous

Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy said to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” said Dolly. “It’s true, straight up, no bull!”

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Two men were having a conversation. A: “My ears got burnt!” B: “How did that happen?” A: “You see, I was ironing and the phone rang and instead of picking up the phone I picked up the iron.” B: “So how did the second one get burnt?” A: “The person called back.”

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. “I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. “The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told … Read more

Three old women are talking about their aches, pains, and bodily dysfunctions. One seventy-five-year-old woman says, “I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven, and it takes me twenty minutes to pee.” An eighty-year-old woman says, “My case is worse. I get up at eight, and I sit there and grunt and … Read more

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.” The wife nudges her husband in the … Read more

The phone rings in the maternity ward. Upon answering, the duty midwife is told by a man, “Mrs. Jones is about to give birth; her contractions are just 3 minutes apart!” The midwife asks, “Is this her first child?” Bemused, the man says, “No, don’t be daft, this is her husband!”

A woman walks into a bar and notices a good-looking cowboy. She approaches him and asks, “Is it true what they say about men with BIG feet?” He replies, “It sure is, Ma’am. Would you like to come to my place and find out?” She sees no harm and decides to spend the night. The … Read more

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor, and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor, and the doctor said, “Your … Read more

A professor giving a talk to a multinational audience tells a joke about the Germans. Someone at the back of the hall jumps up and protests angrily: “I’m German!” “OK,” says the speaker, “I’ll say it again – slowly.”