God said unto Adam, “You have been quiet lately – is there something wrong?” Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to. So God said that He would make him a companion and that it would be a woman. And God said, “A woman will gather food for you, cook for you, and when … Read more
Dear God, So far today, I’ve done all right. I haven’t gossiped. I haven’t lost my temper. I haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I am very thankful for that. But, in a few minutes, God, I’m going to get out of bed; and from then on, I’m probably going to need a … Read more
Mr. Rabbit was walking down the road when he spotted a crow at the tip top of a very tall tree. He shouted, “Good Morning, Mr. Crow.” Mr. Crow shouted back down, “Good Morning Mr. Rabbit.” Mr. Rabbit shouted up, “Whatcha doin’ today?” and the answer shouted back down was, “Absolutely nothin’ Mr. Rabbit – … Read more
There was a man sitting in a bar drinking a beer when a truckie came in and drank it all. The guy burst into tears. “It was only a joke, I’ll get you another one,” said the truckie. “That’s not it. See, I went to work and got fired, then I went to the parking … Read more
Tonto and the Lone Ranger were lost one day. The Lone Ranger says to Tonto, “Use your Indian instincts and get us out of this mess.” Tonto bends down and puts his ear to the ground. He turns and says to the Lone Ranger, “Buffalo come.” The Lone Ranger says to Tonto, “How do you … Read more
Six guys are playing poker when Bill loses $500 on one hand, clutches his chest, and falls over dead. Who’s going to tell his wife, they all wonder. They draw straws, and Bob picks the short one. They tell him to break it to her gently. “No problem,” Bob says. So he drives over to … Read more
There was a guy who walked into a bar and said to the bartender, “I’ll bet you a beer that I can bite my left eye.” The bartender said, “Well, nobody can bite their own eye!” So the man took out a glass eye and bit it. He got his free beer from the bartender … Read more
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she spoke about her problem with a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to … Read more
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Amal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that … Read more
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which is the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known … Read more