In a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, … Read more
During taxi, the crew of a US AIR departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) screamed, “US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on ‘Charlie’ taxiway; you turned right on ‘Delta’. Stop … Read more
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth … Read more
My appetite is my shepherd; I always want. It maketh me sit down and stuff myself. It leadeth me to my refrigerator repeatedly, Sometimes during the night. It leadeth me in the path of Burger King for a Whopper. It destroyeth my shape. Yea, though I knoweth I gaineth, I will not stop eating, For … Read more
Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those of us who have never had any success dieting, well, now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet! Except for cats that eat like people — such as getting lots of table scraps — most cats are long and lean (or … Read more
A woman goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I’ve got a bit of a problem. I’ll have to take my clothes off to show you.” The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes around to see her when she is ready. “Well, what is … Read more
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride … Read more
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. … Read more
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”
A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night. The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window. For a second, everything … Read more