A bus driver was taking a group of senior citizens on an outing. During the trip, one elderly lady came up to him and told him that she thought she had been molested. The bus driver did not pay much attention to her comment until at the end of the trip another elderly lady told … Read more
The phone rings in the maternity ward. Upon answering, the duty midwife is told by a man, “Mrs. Jones is about to give birth; her contractions are just 3 minutes apart!” The midwife asks, “Is this her first child?” Bemused, the man says, “No, don’t be daft, this is her husband!”
There was a party on top of a large building’s roof. Two guys were off to the corner when the first guy said, “Watch this!” and with that, jumped off the roof. To the second man’s surprise, he just stayed suspended there and floated back. “Wow!” said the second man, “I’ll give you $20 if … Read more
A man took his old duck to the doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn’t eat. The doctor explained to the man that as ducks age, their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up its food. “What you need to do is gently file the … Read more
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them.” A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”
An Australian, an Irishman, and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar; a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out, “My … Read more
One day, three guys go out into the woods to hunt deer. The first guy goes and comes back with a dead deer. He says, “Me find tracks, me follow tracks, me catch deer.” The second guy goes and also comes back with a dead deer. He also says, “Me find tracks, me follow tracks, … Read more
A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looks around the shop and says, “About 2 hours.” The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, “How long before I can get a … Read more
Bill and Hillary Clinton were traveling to Hillary’s high school reunion in Chicago when they had to stop for gas. They pulled up to the full-service pump and waited as the gas station attendant came out to fill up the limo. As he was pumping the gas, Hillary said to Bill, “Gee, that guy looks … Read more
I stopped at a fast food restaurant, intrigued by a sign which offered fat-free fries. I decided to give them a try, but I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a batch of fries from the fryer dripping with fat, and then put a bag of these fries in with my order. “Just a minute,” … Read more