A certain lawyer was quite wealthy and had a summer house in the country, to which he retreated for several weeks of the year. Each summer, the lawyer would invite a different friend of his to spend a week or two up at this place, which happened to be in a backwoods section of Maine. … Read more
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, “Oh, nothing. It’s just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while.” Josh said, “Gee, I never knew you played hockey.” Andy replied, “No, I don’t. I hurt it last … Read more
The answer to the eternal question “Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?” Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game. With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day, working or not. If he sleeps 7 hours a … Read more
A pirate walks into a bar. He has the whole pirate getup: peg leg, funky hat, the long beard, and the parrot. But he has a ship steering wheel in his pants. The bartender says, “Excuse me, but you have a ship steering wheel in your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrggg, IT’S DRIVING ME NUTS!”
A blonde goes to an electronic store. She goes up to the salesman and says, “I’d like to buy this TV.” The salesman replies, “Sorry, I don’t sell to blondes.” The blonde, very angry, goes home. The next day she dresses up very professionally, pins her hair up, and puts on a pair of glasses. … Read more
A blonde went out for a walk. She came to a river and saw another blonde on the opposite bank. “Yoo-hoo,” she shouted, “how can I get to the other side?” The second blonde looked up the river, then down the river, and then shouted back, “You’re already on the other side.”
A three-legged poodle walked into a bar in the Wild West and said, “Hey, I’m lookin’ for the guy who shot my paw!”
There was this bar and blondes were celebrating in the corner, with beers shouting, “41 days, 41 days!!!!” The bartender watched as more came in and joined the celebration. He was finally so curious that he went over and said, “Why are you celebrating shouting, ’41 days, 41 days!!!’?” And a blonde held up a … Read more
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes.” The woman freed the frog and … Read more
A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party, everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married for so long in this day and age. The husband responded, “When we were first married, we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions, and my wife would make … Read more