Her husband had passed on, and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. “Is there anything he needs?” the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a … Read more
The CIA loses track of one of its operatives and calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, “All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he’s somewhere in Ireland. If you think you’ve located him, tell him the code words, ‘The weather forecast calls for … Read more
Thorn was in the hospital for a complete check-up. At 11:00 AM, they brought him soup for lunch, which he refused. At 2:00 PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused. Again, at 5:00 PM and 7:00 PM, they tried, and both times Thorn turned down the soup, so they gave … Read more
During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, “How’d you do that?” “I could tell you, sir,” the magician answered, “but then I’d have to kill you.” After a short pause, the man … Read more
Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and says, “I’m going to throw this $100 bill out and make someone down below happy.” Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, “If that was my $100 bill, I would split it into 2 $50 … Read more
Jerry Jones calls Michael Irvin in for a meeting: “Michael,” he says, “That was a close one. You’ll have to be careful from now on.” “What do you recommend, boss?” “From now on, it’s Pepsi and Nike, not COKE and NOOKIE.”
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon, all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to leave him alone and let him get … Read more
A lady took her Poodle to the parlor for a haircut. When she asked what it would cost, the girl behind the counter told her, “$60.” The lady was outraged: “I only pay 50 bucks for my own haircut!” “But you don’t bite, do you?” the girl replied.
A market researcher called at a house, and his knock was answered by a young woman with three small children running around her. He asked her if she minded replying to his questions, and when she agreed, he asked her if she knew his company, Cheeseborough-Ponds. When she said no, he mentioned that among their … Read more
A doctor at a major hair-loss institute in England now says the best way to avoid going bald is to drink a lot of alcohol. They say drinking alcohol to excess increases hair growth. This could be true. When was the last time you saw a bald Kennedy?