Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him. He dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran … Read more
After the Great Britain Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Sen~or, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from … Read more
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he said, “A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.” A voice from the back of the room … Read more
Two programmers walked along the street. They saw a beautiful blonde not far away and one of them said, “Too bad that girl has no standard interface.” “They have,” replied the other programmer, “but there is no standard way to get to it.”
In the US, everything that is not prohibited by law is permitted. In Germany, everything that is not permitted by law is prohibited. In Russia, everything is prohibited, even if permitted by law. In France, everything is permitted, even if prohibited by law.
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. “What’s that big brass gong for?” one of the guests asked. “Why, that’s my talking clock,” the man replied. “How does it work?” asked one of his friends. … Read more
The distinguished professor and his chauffeur were talking one day on the way to the next speaking engagement, and the driver said, “I’ve sat in the back and listened to your presentation so many times that I can give it just as well as you can.” The professor said, “I’ll bet you can’t. Just to … Read more
A gentleman was sitting at a crowded bar talking with a colleague about a recent legal encounter. “Lawyers are jerks,” the man said as he completed his story. His colleague agreed by saying, “Yeah, lawyers are jerks.” A couple nearby overheard the conversation and the word spread quickly throughout the bar that indeed lawyers are … Read more
Three construction workers were working on a skyscraper, discussing their lunch. The first construction worker said, “Ham, ham, ham! All I ever get is a ham sandwich! I’m so sick of ham sandwiches. If I get another ham sandwich tomorrow, I’m gonna jump off this building and kill myself.” The second construction worker said, “Turkey, … Read more
A guy takes his girlfriend to a football game for the first time. After the game, he asked how she liked it. “Oh, I really liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents.” “What do you mean?” “Everyone kept screaming, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’”