A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day. He was glad for the interlude because it taught him how much his wife loved him. She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery man or the mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled, “My husband’s … Read more
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells him, “You know, a pint goes … Read more
One day, a man came home from work and was greeted by his wife. She told him that she had good news and bad news. He asked, “Well, what’s the good news?” She replied, “The good news is that the airbag works.”
A man comes home after a heavy night’s drinking. His wife won’t open the door for him, so he starts hammering on it. She still won’t let him in, so he starts shouting. The neighbors are starting to notice, so in an attempt to embarrass her, he starts singing at the top of his voice: … Read more
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?” “Sure do,” replied the bartender. “Good,” said the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my ‘gator.”
Jeff had been standing in his dark and dank cellar for well over an hour with his hands gripping a leaky pipe. The water spurted between his fingers. His shoes were getting wetter and wetter. Suddenly, he heard his wife’s voice calling down the cellar door. “Honey, you can take your hands off that leak … Read more
A Swede, a Norwegian, and a Dane are caught in a snowstorm on the side of a mountain. They stumble across a cave and decide to take shelter. On entering, they are greeted by an awful stench which, on inspection, turns out to come from a half-dead goat that has taken refuge in the cave. … Read more
A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer’s club by mistake. The old lawyers gave them a fight for their lives. The gang was very happy to escape. “It ain’t so bad,” one crook noted. “We got out with $25 between us.” “I warned you to stay clear of lawyers!” the boss screamed. “We had … Read more
A guy came home to his wife and said to her, “Guess what? I’ve found a great job. A 10 am start, 2 pm finish, no overtime, no weekends, and it pays $600 a week in the hand to boot!” “That’s great,” his wife said. “Yeah, it’s unreal,” he agreed. “You start Monday.”
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. “Well,” explained the girl, “up front there are 17 University of California … Read more