A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women’s locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter—haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, “Aren’t you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?” The other replied, “Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.”
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. “There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die … Read more
A housewife, an accountant, and a lawyer were asked, “How much is 2+2?” The housewife replies: “Four!” The accountant says: “I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.” The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights, and asks in a hushed voice, “How much do … Read more
Attorney to witness: “And where was the location of the accident?” Witness: “Approximately milepost 499.” Attorney: “And where is milepost 499?” Witness: “About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost 500.”
“I have a bad headache. I’ll visit the doctor.” “Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don’t you try it?” “Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I’ll be right over.”
Two boys are playing football in Golden Gate Park when one is attacked by a Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of the nearby fence, wedges it down the dog’s collar and twists, breaking the dog’s neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview … Read more
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally, it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. “What’s going on?” she yells out the window. “Cow on the track!” replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees … Read more
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, “What’ll you have?” The guy answers, “A scotch, please.” The bartender hands him the drink and says, “That’ll be five dollars,” to which the guy replies, “What are you talking about? I don’t owe you anything for this.” A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, … Read more
There’s a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to the guy with a Chihuahua, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to eat.” The guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.” The guy … Read more