Four guys were out on the golf course. As one of them was teeing off at the 10th hole, which was next to the highway, they saw a funeral procession go by. Instead of teeing off, the guy removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral had passed. At this point, … Read more
A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he’d been given. “This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,” he said. “I know,” the owner said. “But last week … Read more
Cousin Elly is the world’s worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married, her husband bought her one of those fancy electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked: how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon … Read more
Here is the corrected version of the status report: The following is a status report from a business unit to their Y2K coordinator: “Our staff has completed the three years of work on time and on budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all … Read more
Waitress walks up to a man and says, “Hi, may I take your order please?” The man replies, “Yes, can I get the turtle soup please.” The waitress walks off to go get his order, but the man changes his mind and decides he wants pea soup instead. He calls for the waitress and says, … Read more
The distinguished professor and his chauffeur were talking one day on the way to the next speaking engagement, and the driver said, “I’ve sat in the back and listened to your presentation so many times that I can give it just as well as you can.” The professor said, “I’ll bet you can’t. Just to … Read more
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, “Excuse me, ladies, I’d like to see your fishing licenses.” “We don’t have any,” replied the first blonde. “Well, if you’re going … Read more
These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says, “Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are.” Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends below … Read more
During the “rush hour” at Houston’s Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. They were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved … Read more
A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road. The woman said, “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty years ago.” The guy stopped the car. His … Read more