A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. … Read more
Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: “I never forget a friend. That was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!”
It was decided by Microsoft during a brilliant brainstorming session that military service would improve the skills and discipline of their finest technician. So off to boot camp he went. At the rifle range, he was given some instruction, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the … Read more
One day, while being driven around the capitol, Hillary notices a young girl with a wagon full of kittens. On the lookout for a PR event, she stops to talk to the girl. As Hillary admires the kittens, the girl proudly boasts, “All my kittens are Democrats!” Hillary thinks this is just the thing to … Read more
We are all aware that Al Gore is the savior of the environment and the inventor of the Internet. What is not so widely known are his contributions to mathematics. While the Vice President has not mentioned these publicly, it should be noted that he is responsible for a course that almost every student takes … Read more
Two blonde builders were working on a house. One blonde was on a ladder nailing. She’d reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over her shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. The other blonde couldn’t stand it any longer and yelled up, “Why … Read more
The sergeant was going over the schedule at the Army base. “I’m sorry to report,” he said, “that due to funding cuts, our exercises on the rifle range are going to be canceled for the fifth week in a row – maybe for the rest of the year.” He flipped through his papers. “Don’t worry … Read more
Celebrity reasons why the chicken crossed the road: 1. Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? 2. Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but it will … Read more
During the “rush hour” at Houston’s Hobby Airport, a flight was delayed due to a mechanical problem. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate while the maintenance crew worked on it. They were then told the new gate number, which was some distance away. Everyone moved … Read more
The distinguished professor and his chauffeur were talking one day on the way to the next speaking engagement, and the driver said, “I’ve sat in the back and listened to your presentation so many times that I can give it just as well as you can.” The professor said, “I’ll bet you can’t. Just to … Read more