A traveler became lost in the desert region of Algeria. Realizing his only chance for survival was to find civilization, he began walking. Time passed, and he became thirsty. More time passed, and he began feeling faint. Reduced to crawling, he was on the verge of passing out when he spied a tent about 500 … Read more
Al and Tipper Gore were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio. “There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd-numbered side of the streets,” the report announced. … Read more
Man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.” The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?” The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.” The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?” The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning … Read more
After the Great Britain Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Sen~or, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from … Read more
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while stuck behind bars. On the bus, one turned to another and said, “So, what did you bring?” The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he … Read more
It was primary time, and the politician decided to go out to the local reservation to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited. “I promise better education opportunities … Read more
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.” “Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table, and cabinets, often … Read more
Here is the corrected version: – Any ship can be a minesweeper… once. – Don’t draw fire, it irritates the people around you. – Five-second fuses only last three seconds. – If the enemy is in range, so are you. – Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you. – Never trust a private … Read more
On the way to preschool with her daughter, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. “How sweet,” thought the doctor, “my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!” Then the child spoke into the instrument, “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I … Read more
The Tory leader, William Hague, was visiting an elementary school today. When he visited a class in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings, the teacher asked Mr. Hague if he would like to lead the class in the discussion of the word “tragedy.” So, our illustrious leader asks the class … Read more