Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, “Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?” “Why do you want … Read more
One night, after a long hard day at work, a politician went home. It was fairly late, around 10:00 p.m. Suddenly, a masked man jumped out of the bushes and demanded all the politician’s money. “You can’t do that!” the politician cried. “I’m a politician!” “Oh,” said the masked man, “in that case, give me … Read more
There were two guys working for the city. One would dig a hole, he would dig, dig, dig, the other would come behind him and fill the hole, fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously. One digging a hole, the other filling it up again. A man was watching from the sidewalk and couldn’t … Read more
A man was walking past a graveyard and he heard one of Beethoven’s symphonies playing backwards. He thought to himself, “That’s weird,” and kept walking. The next day, the same man walked past the same cemetery and heard another one of Beethoven’s symphonies playing backwards. He thought to himself, “Now that’s REALLY weird!” and kept … Read more
Roy was a gas station attendant. One day he was filling up another car when he spotted three penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. Baffled, Roy asked the driver, “What’s up with those penguins?” The man in the car replied, “I found them by the side of the road. But to tell … Read more
Judi is explaining to Monika the bad day she had at work. Judi’s boss had suffered a heart attack and died. Monika said, “How horrible! What did you do?” Judi shook her head. “There was nothing I could do. He kept yelling at me to call 9-1-1, but he wouldn’t tell me the rest of … Read more
I was reminded today just how awful my wife’s cooking was when we were first married. Yes, it’s cliche but it’s true. It was so bad that I teased her relentlessly. Recently, after an exceptionally exquisite meal, I put my fork down and asked her to what she attributed her acquired culinary mastery. She smiled … Read more
A couple of carpet layers are installing new carpeting in the home of a pompous rich woman. They get the carpet all laid and one of them can’t find his pack of cigarettes. He checks his pockets, etc., until finally his buddy spots a lump under the carpet. “Geez,” he says, “we better handle this … Read more
Warning Signs That You Need A New Lawyer: 1. You met him in prison. 2. His last good case was a Budweiser. 3. All his law books are from Time-Life. 4. He picks the jury by playing duck, duck, goose.
Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. “One thing about my buddy here,” the other man said proudly to the bartender, “Nobody can say he doesn’t know when to stop!” Q: What two 4-letter words do men hate? A: Don’t and stop… unless … Read more