Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. “Well,” explained the girl, “up front there are 17 University of California … Read more
A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium – he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices … Read more
A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he’d been given. “This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,” he said. “I know,” the owner said. “But last week … Read more
One day Tarzan comes home to the treehouse and says, “Jane, give me a double Martini.” Jane says, “What is wrong with you — you don’t drink alcohol!” Tarzan says, “It’s a jungle out there!” “When I’m out of red, I use blue.” – Pablo Picasso
Emma and Geri were locked out of their car and were trying to open the door. Emma: “I can’t get it open!” Geri: “Well, hurry, because the top’s down and it looks like it’s going to rain!” Q: Why does it take a Spice Girl 2 hours to drink orange juice? A: The carton says … Read more
A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held. “I must say,” says the executive, “your work history is terrible. You’ve been fired from … Read more
A Michigan circuit judge tells about a divorce suit he handled recently: “I think you might as well give your husband a divorce,” he advised the wife. “What!” shouted the lady. “I have lived with this bum for twenty years, and now I should make him happy?”
I was reminded today just how awful my wife’s cooking was when we were first married. Yes, it’s cliche but it’s true. It was so bad that I teased her relentlessly. Recently, after an exceptionally exquisite meal, I put my fork down and asked her to what she attributed her acquired culinary mastery. She smiled … Read more
The world’s most widely seen warning label: “Intel Inside” Windoze 95/98 Tech Support response: “It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.” Apple: “We may not do everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to change.”
One day, George Bush, Bill Clinton, and Bob Packwood decide to visit the Wizard of Oz. After a long travel along the yellow brick road, they arrive at the Wizard’s Palace. When they meet the Wizard, he tells them that they may each have one wish fulfilled. The Wizard asks George Bush what he would … Read more