A wealthy woman is giving a garden party, and several well-to-do guests attend. While the party ensues, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. One of the guests was watching the gardeners do their thing, and while one gardener was busy weeding, the other jumped up and did graceful swirling dance movements. Taken … Read more
A man walked into a supermarket with his zipper down and his fly wide open. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, “Your barracks door is open.” This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man … Read more
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!” “What do you mean? I’m fine.” “What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannonball hit my … Read more
A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”
At 3 am, a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour later, he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. “What time does the bar open?” he asks. “Same time as … Read more
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, “I bet you don’t know what day this is.” “Of course I do,” he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long-stemmed … Read more
A Russian, a Cuban, an American, and a lawyer are on a train. The Russian takes a bottle of the best vodka out of his pack, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: “In the USSR, we have the best vodka in the world. Nowhere else can you find vodka as good as … Read more
A woman gets into a cab and gives the cab driver an address all the way across town. When they arrive, the woman says, “I have no money.” The cabbie says, “I have to get paid.” The woman raises her dress and asks, “Will this do?” The cabbie says, “Don’t you have anything smaller?”
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in the bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply. The first man then asks, “Where are you from?” “I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man. The first man responds, “You don’t say. I’m from Ireland too! Let’s … Read more
Mr. Johnson, a businessman from Wisconsin, went on a business trip to Louisiana. He immediately sent an email back to his wife, Jean. Unfortunately, he mistyped a letter and the email ended up going to a Mrs. Joan Johnson, the wife of a preacher who had just passed away. The preacher’s wife took one look … Read more